Saturday, October 13, 2012

Moving/Stand Still - Torn - Goodbye's - RANT

Awwww, one of my favorite "off day" rituals, sipping my coffee, catching up on my emails and computer stuff while watching HGTV on my deck or living room.  The house is quite ,everyone is still's one of my favorite parts of my day as my kitty Nemmerz keeps me company.

Today is my RANT.

This all ends today...

Today is MOVING DAY.......into my Mom's house.

I'm not happy, I'm very sad and feel displaced.

This has me so anxiety home is my salvation the place I go to recharge and relax I love my home. its my safe place, so how will I feel now :(....It's where I go at the end of the day to say.....ahhhh I'm Home!!!

Today that is all going to end, I wont have a home ( I know I know, home is with family....) BUT we are moving in my with MOM and I love her dearly but the space is itty bitty and will bring me much stress and anxiety as me and Hubby share a room smaller than my bathroom and live with clothes out of boxes, just thinking of it gives me a panic attack.  My life will be unorganized and just not MINE.....

We gave the kids the really big room and I felt I wanted them to be comfortable than us, I am sure it's a big change for them too, even though they say its not a big deal...

I grew up in this neighborhood since I was in kindergarden, I know all the families their history and I can walk for blocks and blocks and know everyone and their next door neighbors are my go to people if we need out of sugar, propane, we share sheds and tools, he was a childhood friend and I also will miss them so very dearly.  They are pregnant and I wont be around to watch their son grow daily.....and just yell over the FENCE......Hey how was your day.....

I raised my kids in this home and i do know even though I am leaving so many memories behind, I have so many more to look forward to........Home is what you make of it............BUT

I'm permitted to have TODAY and a few days to feel sad and kinda homeless....and end of something that means so much to me...

I dont do change well, good or bad....I like familiar.....and comfortable....upset that world and I spin emotionally out of control.....

To add to my emotional unstability, our LOT is just at a stand still, I have really not being given an answer why....the break ground..........10 days again...and no more progress..........Others on this blog breaks ground day before us and almost has a home for crying out loud..............Nothing for us has been done, they may start again on Monday and maybe footers by Wednesday................Gesh!!!! Really..............although our entire community is behind I actually feel even worse for the people whose lumber has been sitting outside their home for over 10 days, the framers are Amish and their way of life doesnt allow them to work weekends ( i respect that and not complaining about it) but they are way behind......

I also kinda noticed they started on the 3 lots in the beginning of our community before ours even though we bought our LOT weeks before those lots...


I am wondering since these 3/4 lots (which were bought weeks after us) are the last ones left before they start the second phase to get those done first, since it will make the plan look finished since out LOT is on the cul de sac at the very end and no one knows its there...............................any reasoning behind my thinking???? Anyone thoughts??

Is my imagination in overdrive?? Am I just emotional?

And another thing, I really like to be involved in this building process and want to be updated, and I know its unreasonable to get a daily phone call from my PM< just to make me FEEL better, I know this.............but still doesnt mean I dont want it to happpen.....LOL

I think I would feel better about the move today if at the end of the day I could visit my LOT and see progress.......ahhhhh, what a day this is going to be.  When will my head and stomach stop hurting.

Anybody else out there felt this way when then they sold their home for this building process??

I have a headache and stomach feels sickly............I know it would all work it, but it's gonna be tough in the meantime, especially since NO MOVEMENT on our LOT....urrgghhhh!!  I need some progress forward on our LOT.

So I have many many months of adjustments, which I just ......DONT DO...

We close on our home on Thursday, I originally was going to attend the closing but have learned I really don't have to be there, and since Im  emotional I decided not to attend and just sign and notarized my documents before hand.............I can not stand to watch the buyers sign papers for 1.5 hours while I watch.....I'm glad my home sold and we dont have to carry two mortgages, BUT in a perfect world it would have been better to have sold in a month not 3 days.........hmmmm did I just complain about that......someone SLAP me......

This blog in many ways is my savior and thanks to everyone who comments and who also continue to post their homes progress and emotional progress.....

Ok well off I go, moving helps get her at 10am and must get outta my jammies.....



  1. Good Morning DW! This is the DAY that the LORD has made REJOICE and be GLAD in it!

    I understand your emotions all to well! When moments like this arise in my world I embrace them. ALL OF THEM!

    You are entitled to feel exactly what you are feeling and don't ever feel the need to explain them away. They are yours to feel. With that said, this is what I do from time to time: I HAVE A PARTY!

    A Special Party: It's called A SAD PARTY! You get to invite others to join in with you and the only requirement is that are experiencing some sense of sadness and talk about it and have fun embracing your sadness. The party gets to be as long as you want it on that DAY!

    AND when the party is over: snap out it and move on to celebrate yourself for not neglecting your feelings about something that is so valuable and important to you. Celebrate what's next!! Celebrate having an outlet to share! Celebrate everything! Celebrate the thoughtfulness as the moment who that gives her children the larger space and celebrate the closeness you and your spouse will create in the smaller space! Celebrate being able to save for that beautiful home you are building by staying with your mom etc. etc.

    Celebrate creating that atmosphere in this blog today to invite others to share their sadness. Celebrate your courage to share your authentic feelings! Celebrate the memories!

    AND YES....breathe.......breathe.......AND keep breathing for without breathe you have no connection to life!!

    Thank you for sharing this wonderful post....I am on my way to facilitate a workshop on getting grounded with over 15 women and your post supported me in so many ways. MUCH LOVE to you DW! And I can't wait to see those footers next WEEK!

    BTW-your cat is gorgeous!!

    1. oops typo: Celebrate the thoughtfulness as the MOM etc

  2. This is a very emotional time. I don't deal with change very well either so I can relate a bit. I've had the, "Oh crap, what are we doing?" thought a few times during this process. It mainly seems to pop up when we are in the waiting game or when things are uncertain. When there is progress it's easier to focus on what's ahead. I hope they start making progress on your lot again soon! I know it must be frustrating to see the progress on other people's lots passing you by. Hang in there! It'll all be worth it in the end.

  3. DW, we too just spent the last 3 days moving out of our home... I walked around our yard repeatedly taking pics of all the trees, remembering the memories we made in that yard raising two little kids. I shed some tears. I will miss this home.
    Do not be embarrassed for your feelings. I think it would be odd to not have those feelings. There is something special about having that little space in this world that you know is yours. It's comforting and makes you feel safe. But, just know that this time at your moms is going to be special too. Maybe your kids will one day grow up and say " remember when we were all squished into grandmas house for months? Those were the best times!" You never know which childhood memories will stick so look at this time as potential lifelong memory makers. Maybe that will help you stay focused on the future. Hope that helps.

  4. Nadase, Catherine and Melissa, Girls oh thank you so very much for all those kind and encouraging words, they really meant a lot to me this AM!! Night one was tough and how nice to wake up in the morning and see all these kind words, truly girls it means a lot to me and thank you for taking the time out to send me your thoughts.

    I'm not going to go on about my day yet....I'm gonna go visit others journey and live through you guys this AM for a quick Pick me Up as I move forward on this loooonnngggg weekend...

  5. From the other side, I can say that it does go fast. We didn't move in with my mother but rented a tiny two-bedroom townhouse while we waited. Think about the money you're saving in rent or mortgage over the next few months. That's a few awesome appliances and some new furniture right there! And while it will seem squished for awhile, you will not know what to do with yourself when you move into that great big house a few months from now. My husband equated it to Frank Lloyd Wright's theory of compression and expansion. He purposely built houses to take you into a small space and then release you into a large one for the effect of grandeur you get. Or if you're traveling to Pittsburgh, consider yourself in the Fort Pitt tunnels for a few months .. in a moment you will burst out to an unbelievable view. ;)

  6. Hang in there. I think I watched 3 blogs that I considered to be on our same schedule get concrete poured last week, and we were waiting for permits all week. It can be tough. Good luck with your coal.

    Selling a house can be a really emotional experience too, I think it's hard to move at the same time, especially when you have to endure the stress of moving without the satisfaction of moving on to your new and exciting possibilities in your new home, but instead are stuck in cramped limbo.

    We haven't had it nearly so bad, but we moved out of our old home a year ago, and have stayed over halfway packed that whole time, moved twice and still won't be in our new Ryan home until maybe Christmas or even January. (all with 4 kids). It can be tough, but it'll be worth it. Hang in there!

  7. Ladies thanks so much for all your thoughts, you guys have truly helped me through my tough times, your words of encouragement made me really reflect on some positive things and I am doing much better....